I spent 8 1/2 years with this man, 7 of which were married. I wasn't some dough eyed young and nieve girl when I met him, at least I didn't think I was. But, my loyalty to people in my life, to friends and my wanting to believe in those people in my life have led me to where I am today.
Where I am is not so bad in the sense that I am not happy. I am much happier now than I had been in, well a long time. I feel stronger, more confident in myself and my abilities. But, at 36, I find myself laying in financial ruin; a victim of the wake that my ex husband tends to leave in his path whenever there is money involved. Hell, let's face it money is involved in life everyday. There is no escaping it. We need it to survive.
I feel like one of those stupid woman you hear talk to Judge Judy on The People's Court; you know, the nieve girl who lent her boyfriend money or who gave him this or that and in the end she ends up burned. Only, this is on a far bigger scale and he wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my husband AND the father of my child. My mom asks me why it took me so long to see it. I tell her thank god I didn't because if I had I wouldn't have stayed where I was and I wouldn't have the most valuable, precious and worth any amount of crap I'd have to go through; my son.
I don't think I didn't see it though. I mean, come on one of the first times I had a conversation with him on the phone when we were at the early stages of our relationship he had to get off the phone because the repo man was there taking his car away. Yeah.. you read that right. BIG red flag right? Not to Tara. I just thought that perhaps he had a bout of bad luck. Hell, I was irresponsible with money and credit myself and had only recently cleaned up my life and swore off credit cards (yup, that's right - when I met my ex husband I was out of debt and had NO credit cards.. yeah me!) I'm not one to judge someone so harshly for a mistake or a mis calculation in judgement. After all, I learned from my own mistakes and that is all part of life right?
Well, if only.. IF ONLY this man would have learned from his mistakes.
If only I wasn't an all in loyal kind of gal.
I find myself now in over $26,000 in debt. Debt, by the way, that HE got us into with HIS decisions, not mine. Actually he never gave me a say in anything and I foolishly went along with his decisions or "ideas" because, after all, he was my significant other and I believed in him. I ignored everything in my gutt that would say "this isn't practical" or "how can he really handle this" and went with him because he said he had it.
Yeah.. he had it alright. Had it all in my name under my credit!
He's not a bad person, per say. He's just an idiot, not very practical AT ALL and can't discern between I want and I need. He refuses to keep track of what he spends. Mind you, when you are in business for yourself aren't you supposed to be watching your bottom line, keeping track to make sure you are ON TRACK.
Forget it..I spent the majority of our marriage, particularly from the point I realized that he was NOT learning his lessons and was repeating the same patterns , trying to get him to change his thinking (like trying to get him to understand the concept of you pay income taxes first, then live off the rest later. Not,you spend every dime you make then turn around and claim you don't make any money so how can you file and pay income taxes). At first, I tried to gently give him "suggestions" always met with the "don't tell me what to do".
Finally, as I like to put it, I got tired of being a passenger in a car that was going full speed at a brick wall.
Without getting into too many details, this man is going to have a whole bunch of shit just come back and bite him on the ass one day. He'll learn his lesson the hard way via the IRS when they catch up to him, among many other things that will catch up to him.
I got myself in deep. I had a child and I couldn't work. So now, here I am a single mom with no family nearby to assist, broke as all hell in debt for over $26K (I smell a bankruptcy in my future). After having stood by this man's poor decisions this is what I'm left with. Don't get me wrong, this man makes good money - but funny thing he doesn't even know how good but, thanks to my excel spreadsheet skills and my hope that he would someday want to actually LOOK and figure it all out, I kept some good records (and may save him one day when the IRS comes a knocking for an audit) that he could pay me the little money I had asked for for the next two years to get me on my feet. He has given me a hard time. For some reason he thinks I don't deserve anything.
Oh really? After being a stay at home mom and helping YOU with your business for the last 4 years? After having put all the money I made before we had our son into the collective pot, the pot which is always empty thanks to your spending.. actually we were always behind in bills -? YOu think it's okay that you leave me holding as hit bag of debt and I'm on my own in an economy where a job is scarce (can't find one and one that fits within what I need to be able to take care of my son). Sure,you'll take care of your son, but after all I've been through with you, you're going to leave me in the lurch.
And you get upset when my "big mouth" about you gets a flappin! He's upset because I told his new girlfriend/business partner (I really don't know for certain what they are and i really don't care, I've moved on) about his history - one with the same pattern (and one he is repeating here in PA yet again). I'd be remiss not to. After all, she just leased a car in HER name for him. (yeah.. that's right, he's got someone else extending credit for him). Not that he ever intentionally sets out to bleed your credit like a scam artist, but when its more than he can handle, he just shrugs his shoulders and walks away, much like he thinks he is getting away with it this time, only he won't because I won't let him. Only AFTER he threatened (and subsequently followed through on that threat, by the way) to withhold money from me this month, did I start flapping my mouth and calling him out on his shit. Then, he turns around and claims that he withheld because I called him out in front of someone. That's like being angry at someone for calling the police after you shoot them and then claiming they shot you BECAUSE you called the police (insert forehead slapping emoticon here..LOL). Now he wants me to sign a paper saying I won't talk to anyone about his personal shit or what went down between us. Um.. no.. not signing anything he puts in front of me. My silence can not be bought. My anger can not be squelched or bribed away. I'm entitled to what I'm entitled to with none of his "conditions" attached.
Funny.. if he would just say "I'm sorry I put you in this deep shit hole financially" I might be willing to forgive (although not forfeit any money I am entitled to).
Too bad! You should have just paid up and shut up. I was being more than fair with you. But now the attorney is going to wipe the floor with you and get me MORE than what I asked for. Why? Because while you don't value what I have done over the last four years (being a stay at home mom and support system at home for you) the legal system does. And, I need to get everything I can from you while I can before the mountain of shit from your bad decisions comes crashing in on you. Oh, and it will and because you never let me have a say in any of them you'll only have yourself to blame for the consequences. Somehow, though, I doubt you'll take responsibility for your poor choices and blame what happens to you on me.
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